By now, most of you know that I’m going to be missing from
church for a few weeks this spring and early summer. It’s not for an early vacation or anything
enjoyable. I’m having some major surgery
to reconstruct my left foot. I’m told
that it means being pretty much housebound for five weeks and unable to use the
foot for eight to ten weeks. I’m told
there will be pain and a somewhat uncertain outcome.
Not to make myself the center of this message, but to tell
the truth, I’m scared to death. I’m
thinking about almost nothing else. I’m
picturing nightmare scenarios. I’m
feeling sorry for myself. The problem
is, this reaction is somewhat silly.
Given the illnesses that some others have that are life threatening or
fatal, given the level of pain that so many others have to endure, given the
limitations and life challenges that so many others have to face every day,
being afraid of my little surgery makes me feel like such a wimp. The truth is, being mostly healthy but for
this little inconvenience, I should realize how truly lucky I am. And intellectually I do, but…
It all makes me realize how difficult it is for us to see
the world and ourselves clearly. We have
such a limited perspective. Most of the
time we fail to recognize the enormity of what some others face and endure and
sometimes overcome. While in our own
lives, every little bump and bruise looms large, every little disappointment or
set-back seems so unfair, every trauma becomes the center of our own emotional
melodrama. We see the world only through
our own eyes, and that always makes it look like we are the center of the
universe. It is no wonder that we are
all capable of being so self centered and even selfish. It is the most natural thing.
This is the reason why we need to cultivate a spiritual
life. A life of faith forces us to have
a broader perspective; to see ourselves as one little part of a big
interconnected whole; each of us tiny but sacred. By believing that every one of us bears a
piece of the spirit of God, we each become more able to see through the eyes of
others, and this is the real magic of a meaningful life. Being able to put oneself in another’s place,
to feel their pain, to imagine the world from their point of view; this, more
than anything else is what makes us fully human.
Having a sense of the enormity and majesty of the presence
of God’s in our lives reminds us that all of our little tempests happen in a
teapot. And at the same time, the
intimacy and immediacy of that presence of God reminds us that even our little
fears and foibles matter infinitely and even warrant the touch of grace.
It is all about perspective.
In the life of the spirit, every occasion of fear or vulnerability makes
us better able to understand and empathize with the struggles and trials of
others. Every daunting challenge or
trauma brings us closer to each other.
The words of Henri Nouwen always inspire me in this way:
“Then
we discover that nothing human is foreign to us, but that all the hatred and
love, cruelty and compassion, fear and joy can be found in our own hearts. We have to confess that when others kill, I
could have killed too. When others
torture, I could have done the same.
When others heal, I could have healed too. And when others give life, I could have done
the same. There is nothing in me that
you would find strange and there is nothing in you that I would not recognize.”
And so, next week, I will march off to the hospital knowing
that my fears matter and that I share them with all of you. And while it may feel like the “Bataan death
march,” I will also have enough perspective to laugh at my own silly self and
march on, knowing that wherever I am marching to, grace abounds.
(By the way, the other
reason I write about this is to let you know that all appropriate provisions
have been made for my absence. Please
know that Larry will ably handle any pastoral issues and will preach well, as
always. Linda Mahorter has kindly agreed
to help out a couple of times in the pulpit at 8:30 and in North Gorham. The Deacons are on top of everything. All of our other committees have things
firmly in hand. And Sally will probably
make the office function so much more smoothly with me out of the way. I’ll return to the pulpit on June 24, albeit,
sitting down. I’ll see you all then.)
In Fear and Trembling,
David
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